The Controversy Between Parenting Styles: Chinese And Western Parents
Every parent has a different parenting style. Every family is different and each has a different way of raising their children. Amy Chua argues in her novel “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”, the differences between parenting styles of Chinese mothers and Westerners. Are Westerners too lenient with their kids or are Chinese parents too harsh? Chua, the Chinese mother described in her novel, talks about raising her daughters to be perfect Chinese. It is a very different experience from being raised by Western parents.
Chua starts by listing the things Sophia, Louisa and her other daughters were not allowed to do. She never allowed her daughters to attend sleepovers and playdates. I do not believe that children should be pressured by their parents to achieve perfection. They should also have a say in the things they choose to do. Western parents encourage their children to have more independence and individuality. Chua as a Chinese mom, on the other hand, sets up too many limitations and ignores all of her daughter’s wishes. Chinese traditional parents are stricter and more precise about their wishes for their children. For example, they overload them with schoolwork, music and sports but don’t allow them to play any sports. Brooks, in an article entitled “Amy Chua: Wimp”, stated that Chinese mothers take parenting to extremes. Western parents wouldn’t do such things to their children. This is the essence of being a Chinese mom. Eventually children with Chinese mothers will grow frustrated, realizing that they won’t have the opportunity to experience any excitement.
Chua quotes that “Chinese parents know that it’s not fun to do something you don’t enjoy until you master it.” You have to put in the work to become good at something, and kids don’t want to do that. It is important to overcome their preferences. I begged my mother to do my homework at night so I could play with my friends. It is understandable that you may want to keep an eye on your child so they can finish their homework and achieve good grades. It shows them that while they can enjoy themselves, it is important to also balance their schoolwork and have some fun. Chua believes that Chinese parents can get by with things Westerners can’t. She gives the example of when her father called her an insulting name for something they did as a child. She says, “I was deeply ashamed and terrible about what I’d done.” However, it did not damage my self esteem. Chinese parents are able to be honest and open with their children, even if they don’t always say the nicest things. Western parents are more sensitive to their child’s feelings and do not want to hurt or trigger them. It is their way of making the child feel good. They are not afraid to speak out or do anything that might hurt them.
Western parents let their kids do what they want the most. They let them have boyfriends, and do other things that Chinese parents would never allow. Chinese mothers are more concerned with your academics, music and other things that do not involve work than they would be about dating. I agree that Chinese mothers might think that being in a romantic relationship could interfere with your schoolwork or intellectual abilities. While being in an intimate relationship can distract you, there are ways to balance it with your academics. Parents should not prevent their children dating.
No matter what Chua says in her books, her children will always support her. Sophia Chua Rubenfeld said in a “Child of Tiger Mom” video that her mother’s approach to raising her was to help her develop the necessary work habits and confidence to achieve her goals later. She did so her daughters could one day be successful like her, and to thank Chua for the confidence she has given them by being a Chinese mother.
All parents are different in their parenting style. Western parents tend to be more compatible and reasonable in their approach, allowing you to make your own decisions and give you some autonomy. Chua is the Chinese Mother and she is stricter. She does not allow you to have fun outside of piano or academics. The Chinese mother is more concerned about their children’s success than Western parents. As parents, it is important to show your children that hard work and the ability to excel are necessary to have a good life. Whatever your background, as a Chinese or Westerner parent you must always ensure that your children are happy. Let them enjoy their childhood because you are only a kid once.
